The secret diary of Joel SantanaPapa Joel he go back to Brazil. I fly the business class to Rio. It's nice in the business class. Danny boy and the Kirsten they pay for the flight. I leave South Africa and before I leave this man he phone to say 'good luck' to me. This man he name is Franklyn Cale and he thank me for Iceland. I know not who is this Franklyn Cale. I can no even ask the Pitso to help me to told me about the Franklyn Cale.
Iceland is Joel's last game for the Bafana Bafana. It's ok. I play the two defensive midfielders in Iceland, but only one of the giornalistas they understand why I do the 4-2-3-1 formation. I do so like the Dunga. Why Dunga can do it but not Natalino? Natalino wonders this everyday and asks Pitso why why why? Is ok Natalino, the Christmas it come in less than 100 days.
Pitso he like to speak to the dog. He tell me, 'no Joel, I'm busy with the dog, ask me later'. But in Brazil the dog is bad. I should have known the dog come to bite and it's sore feeling like when Katlego Mashego is offside. He always offside. This other guy with the name of Gavin say 'f*&k off back to Brazil'. I don't know how he found out about me and his wife.
Last time at the SAFA House I was standing there by Raymond Hack's office. It's best office I ever see with the platinum paperweight and golden pole in middle. Ray Ray no say why he need the pole for. He promise I keep the job but now the elephant leave the room there is only need for golden pole, no Natalino.
And around the corner I see Kirsten. I still am confused why Kirsten is a man. I'm sure Kirsten is nice girl but then Carlos he tell me Bafana very good, but he was lying like the prostitute I see in corner on Parktown. She say she woman, but Natalino is not so sure after meet. If only Desiree had to stayed with Joel. Then no problems likes that.
So Kirsten I hear him with the Teko Modise. They told me the Teko was most best player in Rainbow Nations. I think he can play Brazil second division. Maybe help Papa Joel avoid the relegation with the Palmerias. The Kirsten say to the Teko, 'play badly mfhetu, lose against Norway and Iceland and then we can get rid of that ugly ogre'.
I think ogre they mean Dr Khoza. But maybe not. They need someone to iron their shirts. Maybe the ogre is the Matthew Booth? Kirsten he also say Brazilian is not affirmative action group. This is true, I think if only I was the Chinese. But then Jomo Sono he did shout to me 'you earn the affirmative salary, we can't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel when you back in Brazil'.
Many of people told me Jomo was Pele of South Africa. But if man so big how can he the ball to kick it? And the Pele yes he have the erection dysfunction, but at least he see it. Natalino doesn't think Jomo see it. Pele he joked to me and say the Bafana need the viagra. But so many the players they have the muti. They do told me it will make win. I say no, we use the 4-2-3-1 formation, we no need muti. I say this after the Confed. But I don't to think this the reason we lose. We beat the Madagascar with no muti.
Mokoena guy also phone. I thought Aaron, but the guy I speak to name Walter. I think he defend better than the Aaron, but don't told the Aaron I told so. Walter sound happy I'm going. Only the MacBeth is so sad like when we lose 8 matches out of 9. But everyone forget I beated the All Whites. When Springboks they beat the All Blacks, everybody they is happy. Natalino doesn't understand the way colour works. Booth maybe he explain because Pitso no more speak to Natalino or make Natalino hot chocolate in cold.
The Aaron send me SMS, say 'sorry 4u Joel, bfna is kak so u mite as well hve been in chrge. Gr8 to no you, thks for kping Beni away frm the team. Teko hs put on 8kgs since Beni was drpped, Beni 8 2 mch of his food.'
I also get the phone call from Benni. He too will be fat like the Jomo and poor Teko when Benni comes back. So emaciated. Benni shout, 'I will be at World Cup and you won't'. Maybe Papa Joel can come for World Cup, but the South Africa's winter is so cold. And Pitso he say 'no more hot chocolate Natalino'. So anyway I have so many money now I can retire. I will meet Carlos at the aeroporto in the Rio. He already phone to say 'it's ok Joel, you have pensions from the South African Football Association'.
Now I leaving I can say Carlos he was telling me which of the player to select. Carlos he buy a house in Sandton. He come back to take Natalino's place. He say he need Desiree's number because his English no so good anymore like Natalino. Instead I give him number of Benni and say goodbye everyone, remember to use the two defensive midfielders at World Cup...
Please note: This is not really Joel Santana's diary. We made it up so please don't sue us...
source: http://www.football365.co.za/story/0,22162,14287_5639203,00.html
