These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometers take lots of water...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes…
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
sgood is very nice, humour makes my day.keep it up, you are a real cool duo not all these haters who hate everything people do. Do you guys sleep in houses in Africa? RED NECK. No we sleep on top of trees and FIFA has helped us plant many trees for those international coming to South Africa. Do you guys have buffalowings? (Yankee) Yes we got the real buffalo except here they do not fly they walk. Do you guys have taxis or limosine services. (Mithchigan)No we are agaist global warming and with our sacred green space we use lions, spiders, mosquitos as our mode of transportation. Do you guys watch soap opera? (NY) NO we aint got time to watch it, we do opera all day long. Our president got three official wives and the rest are are traditional and cannot be revealed in the western and euopean cultures. Do you guys watch cheaters? (TEXAS) No no no we are busy doing super aids no time for cheating, only time to die secretly and a drive by funeral. Do you guys have smoking areas in your stadiums? (Mexico) No everywhere you can light anything infront of anybody. Ask the African popo to wrap a spliff for you while you go get some Royal Crown. Is the referees decision final? (n KOREA) it depends on the type of weed sold at the stadium, if the weed is from Lesotho yes the referee officiate the game. If the weed is from Durban and it is really Durban poison, then halabaloo is oder of the day. Ask Satani, he will soon find himself in a FNB turned a zolz zoo in a second.
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